I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
They’re too stupid to know that proving something like fucking a couch didn’t happen is impossible. They think that lack of video evidence will prove it, but they’re just jagwagons.
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Harris also has the skull shape of a Marxist! And the fact that she’s a girl will make all the other manly nations call us Sissies!
JD Vance is too much of a coward to release the couch sex tape
#releasethecouchtape
It’s on Hunter’s laptop.
Two males? Are they buttery?
Why are they not releasing the couch sex tape? What are they hiding? Was there a loveseat involved?
Because the couch was underage.
Gaetz was inquiring last I heard
It was a…convertible sofa.😱
Hide-a-bred
This got a visceral negative reaction out of me. Well done.
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Are you saying the couch… was transsectional?
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement:
“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.
Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.
“Our eyes are wide open.
Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.
And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.
Yes, because you want to see it…for totally normal reasons.
Weird people
Sofa king weird.
AGOPAW All GOP Are Weird
Does word weird equal cringe?
It can mean cringe but it’s more similar to the word strange and can be good or bad depending on context. Someone who learns Elvish and wears clothes from the 1920s could be considered weird but interesting. Republicans are the kind of weird that makes you feel uncomfortable around them. “Why are they so concerned about what my children are wearing?” Kind of weird
Yes, and I feel like the Republicans as you describe them would aptly be called “creepy.”
And I think “cringe” is often a feeling of second-hand embarrassment.
“Weird” and “strange” are more general and synonymous with “unusual” and “peculiar.”
None of that is in disagreement with your take, though
If one of my kids started speaking knife ear I’d be concern too.
Way to be racist towards people who aren’t even real 🤦
Having a grudge against Elves is a part of my race.
And which race would that be? The New York Marathon? Le Mans 24h? Liege-Bastogne-Liege? 😛
“Absolutely revolting claim! And where’s the proof? The video? I need to see that horrible, disgusting video before I believe these claims! Show me-I mean us the video!”
I mean… they can’t possibly miss the joke, can they? It fucking racks my brain, the density of these fuckwits sometimes. The whole reason this is still a thing is because they’re saying shit like, ‘If you accuse some of X, you’d better have proof.’
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it… When the couch doesn’t want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
Lets call it what it is, folks. It was rape. He raped that couch. Just because the couch had a suggestively placed throw, doesn’t make it OK.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
If the couch didn’t want fucked why was it wearing those sexy cushions?!!
Showing off it’s legs. Disgusting.
Too bad it wasn’t a bed because then we could talk about how short the bed skirt was.
It was totally consensual
-The couch
You know, until recently I thought that the golden days of Internet activism were over and we were mostly living in times where it was ridiculously easy to get things censored on the Internet.
Then something as stupid as this gets this amount of attention because of Internet users having way too much time and energy to spread it. WTF
Oh fuck yeah spread it
Spread it like JD Vance’s couch cushions.
Are there no actually serious issues in the world that it is worth spreading information about? I think there are.
Shit I forgot that we’re only allowed to talk about one thing at a time, and if someone makes a joke then all the other information dies.
More serious issues than a fascist trying to take over one of the world’s most powerful nations? Not really. If saying his VP candidate fucks couches is bothering them this much, please keep spreading that information.
There is no problem with the lack of information though. It’s the opposite, the internet is oversaturated.
Much better to talk openly encouraging the posting of revenge porn.
Humans are such relative morality miscreants.
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Diabolical
I think that only proves your thoughts. This thing blew up uncontrollably. Now try repeating this with some truly important point.
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The AP was correct to pull the article. Nobody can definitively say “J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch” just that “J.D. Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir, ‘Hillbilly Elegy’.”
We don’t even know he didn’t write about it. All we can definitively say is that the story about J.D. Vance fucking a couch did not appear in the published edition of Hillbilly Elegy.
Did he fuck a couch? Did he write about fucking a couch? Only Vance can tell us for sure and he’s probably too busy fucking a couch.
Comment above yours states that it is in there
If everyone is saying it there must be something to it.
How many of those comments are just parroting others?
I’m not sure but if everyone is saying it there must be something to it, dude definitely enjoys the chaise.
I disagree on that concept. Just because a lot of people are saying something doesn’t mean there is something to it. Should we look at it? Absolutely yes
But there is a guy who made a comment that says his grandma (or maybe it was his mom can’t remember) read the book so I’d ask who else has actually read the book?
Good example of group think: lots of people thought disco was good.
I agree with you 100%. We should absolutely be asking why JD Vance would fuck a couch, if in fact he fucked a couch. And why so many people would be talking about JD Vance fucking couches if he didn’t.
It doesn’t really change anything for me but I don’t think I’ll be letting that guy around my couches. Not because I honestly think JD Vance fucks couches but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
edit: Personally I don’t want to read the kind of filth a couch fucker would write so I haven’t read the book but I have it on good authority that people are saying JD Vance admits to fucking at least one couch.
The bookstore I was at a few years ago you could get a copy signed by a Chesterfield for an extra buck. Make of that what you will
My mother read the book, and tells me that the couch fucking part is absolutely in there.
She also said he’s a bad writer and his book is mostly fiction, so the couch fucking is probably as true as him being from Appalachia.
Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!
Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.
Rule 34, it’s already a thing.
Or rule 35
No no, they should absolutely do it and show it (heavily censored and muted) live. With PoV cam (both Vance and the couches PoV)
Tell them it’s on Hunter’s laptop and watch them implode!
Not to kink shame you, Jesse, but maybe keep what titillates you to yourself.
Anyway, by now there’s bound to be porn with a Vance lookalike fucking a couch, so you’ll get what you need for the most part.
Did Jesse Walters have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches? I’m just asking questions here.
He never said he didn’t have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches. Many people are saying he has a fetish where he watches people fuck couches.
Thank you, now that you mention it I’ve totally heard about his couch fetish. A lot of people are saying it even in this thread.
This is my favorite comment chain.
I demand video evidence of him not having a couch fucking fetish
I’ll play it next to the clip where he publicly requested a video of a man fucking a couch
Such a video is the job AI was created to do.
Maybe not the Hero we want, but the Hero we deserve.
Now now. JD Vance only fucks couches when he wears eyeliner. Everyone knows that.
We’ve finally found a job for AI.
Ah yes, a Deep Fake.
I bet it isn’t very deep
Lol
As long as the couch is
Just the tip and only for a minute.
That sure is a weird-ass thing to ask for.
Those people are weird.
What is it with conservative hosts demanding porn?
First there was Rush Limbaugh pretending not to know what birth control is and now this.
Probably plenty of other examples in the meantime, but that’s the especially heinous one that immediately came to mind.
They want to see the couch’s outfit for themselves, of course. Perhaps it was asking for it.
Weren’t they obsessed with someone’s dick a few years ago?
Twice, actually. First that of Anthony Wiener and then that of Hunter Biden.
For a party of homophobes who claim to hate liberals, they sure seem to be hungry for some liberal cock 😂
No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I’m almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat
“It’s not a loveseat, okay?! It’s a couch! I don’t fuck loveseats!” - Vance, probably?
“It’s called making love when it’s a loveseat! It’s in the name!!! Also, ban porn NOW!”
– From The book “Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir Of a Family and Culture in Crisis” by author JD Vance
For research guys, it’s for research.
