Oh it’s not professional, we just all like animals and most of my coworkers already play fantasy football, so this fits in.

Some of them also have names. Chunk, Grazer, Otis, etc. Usually just the more popular or well-known bears though. 747 doesn’t have a name though, because his number is an apt description.

If you couldn’t tell, I’m very into Fat Bear Week - my office posts our brackets and we have a trophy for the winner.

Maybe she’s poisoning you just a tiny bit at a time. Kidding, but have you guys eaten a meal at home together without you feeling sick?

My mom and I have talked about that kind of thing and she knows to call me directly if someone ever tries to say something happened to me. She’s not stupid, but maybe just not growing up with people constantly trying to scam her at every turn hasn’t prepared her for the depths these assholes will sink to, and they’ve gotten so much more sophisticated.

I keep kind of hoping I get this one. I’m ace, so I definitely haven’t been watching porn of any kind, and my house has changed dramatically since the last time google came by, so it would just be entertaining. But then I see people on nextdoor all freaked out that “someone has pictures of their house,” and it makes me wish for a large, extremely targeted sinkhole to open up under all these scammers.

To sum up, Aldi did the same thing a lot of retailers do, which is raising their prices and then having a “sale,” they got caught, and the court agreed they did it. No info about any kind of consequences.

Well in that case, can Kevin sleep with me?

No thank you. The eggs would have to be enormous to develop into a human baby, and laying one of those every month would suck.

I’m a mosque. The loud noise is usually, “damn it!” when I do something incredibly graceful, like walk into a wall or accidentally throw my phone across the room.

I doubt they’re taking it personally. A lot of people who very much do need help say the same thing you did, and they don’t know you. All they know is that you’re unhoused and refusing assistance.

Oh if the rapture people’s idea of god is the right one, I’m definitely not getting into heaven. But that’s ok, heaven would be full of people I’d never want to hang out with anyway.

It’s almost 9pm where I am and there’s no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.

I’m not big on violence, and I don’t enjoy hitting people, but I’ve done it a couple of times and I’m always willing to throw down with nazis. If we’re not willing to defend ourselves and others, we might as well just hand them the keys and let them do whatever they want. That’s gonna be a hard no for me.

That’s exactly what he was put there to do. Well, that and just generally disrupt the postal service enough to push people to their more expensive competitors. It’s dramatic but I always joke that he’s my nemesis. I’m just grateful that we have ballot drop boxes all over in CO where I live so that people don’t have to depend on the mail.

Oh yeah this one. Plus, wear a hat. My hairstylist found skin cancer on my scalp a year or two ago and now I have a bald spot where they removed it because scalp skin doesn’t have a whole lot of excess to close a wound. So cute. Thankfully, I can hide it, but it pretty much requires me to wear my hair up every day.

Eta: I feel like it should go without saying, but maybe doesn’t, that I was incredibly lucky that it was basal cell, not melanoma. A big scar is one of the best outcomes I could’ve had.

There’s a vegan sushi/ramen place near me that makes something between musubi and onigiri with vegan spam and they’re crazy good. So that’s one use for it.

They’d have to care that there are crises to bother trying to fix them. Trump only cares about his personal problems and I’m pretty sure Vance is some kind of robot with bad AI who will just stop charging himself if things get too bad.

Hard no. My day job is in government and I cannot take one more meeting in my life. I’ve attended some of the HOA meetings and they were actually worse than pretty much every meeting I have at work, because they last forever and the stakes are so stupid.

I finally got a 12 foot skeleton but our stupid HOA doesn’t allow Halloween decorations before 10/1. I think I need a festive fall outfit for it so I can say it’s not Halloween, it’s just seasonal.

I tried a piece of kibble when I was a kid, mostly because it bothered my mom and I thought it was funny. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. Most of my dogs have eaten pretty much whatever you offer them, except (of course) my chihuahua. She’d eat buffalo sauce but not a carrot. When she lost all her teeth, she’d eat a flavor of wet food happily for like, a week, and then refuse to touch it ever again, so I don’t think it was the food being gross as much as it was her being a picky little shit.