What as a English man should I look out for on a trip to the USA.
There really is no such thing as ‘The USA.’
I live in New York City and what’s cool here will get you arrested in other places.
Some towns are fine with you having a rifle on open display. Some towns are fine with you smoking pot on the street.
Don’t take your real phone with you. Just get a cheap burner phone that you can reset after customs went through it.
I recommend travel health insurance. It’s affordable and a good piece of mind considering their healthcare can be extremely expensive.
Eh, if it’s a hospital you just don’t pay the bill. If it’s an urgent care it’s pretty cheap.
Don’t forget your gun. America is extremely dangerous but only if you’re unarmed. All the criminals and cops can smell if you have a gun and they’ll be too afraid to do anything to you if you have one.
Also you can’t trust our water, so it’s purely Soda and Budweiser while you’re here. Locals might tell you to eat at local restaurants but their stomachs are habituated. You’ll need to stick to McDonald’s. Luckily there is one on every single corner.
If you get injured you should avoid using an ambulance as they will take you directly to a hospital. In the US that’s just where we go to die. You need to drive yourself to an Urgent Care doctor. If you can’t drive yourself and have to use an ambulance then there is a complimentary memorial wreath that can be sent to your family. Along with the invoice for your death care of course.
The US is smaller than it appears on maps. This is because most maps are not American centric and have to expand the US to show the ratio properly. You might have budgeted multiple days to travel between the coasts but you really can just do New York one day and the Grand Canyon the next day.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah it’s traditional to make a bomb joke with the customs agent as you come into the country. Especially if you can manage a middle eastern accent. All of us do it. It’s a grand joke.
Did I miss anything?
Cops are usually chill and laid back, but they get tired of the monotony of their job sometimes and appreciate the use of erratic, unpredictable movement when interacting with them. They also like someone who is proactive, so instead of waiting for them to ask you for your licence and registration, just jump right out of your car as soon as they step out of theirs and pull your wallet out of your pocket as quickly as you can for them. You’ll never have an issue with the cops again after this.
🤣🤣🤣
Never take the ambulance. They will suck your money and your soul.
I don’t think anyone can actually answer your question if you’re not telling us where in the USA you’re visiting. This place is enormous, and the culture isn’t homogeneous.
Fascists 😜
when you stub your toe you get heroin
If you go to NYC a slice of pizza is all you need to fuel your entire day.
Assuming this isn’t satire… It really depends on where you’re going. Assuming you’ll be in a big city, I’d say it’s pretty comparable to London. Don’t go walking along vacant streets at night, or during the day if the area gives you bad vibes. Avoid confrontation with anyone looking to start some shit. In big crowds I like to keep my wallet and phone in a front or otherwise harder-to-access pocket.
All that being said, most tourist areas are quite safe.
I’m told the temperature is different here.
Buy a gun on day one. Just go to almost any gun show and bam, no paperwork. You’ll need a gun because there is this nationwide gang, they are crazy organized, drive the same cars, all rep the color blue and collectively hate immigrants, not you, the poor ones. Anyway I believe they go by “police officer” or “cops” i prefer little piggy but that dont, steer clear at all costs, but if you have to, take out your ghetto blaster and pump em full of lead.
You’ll die a hero and recognized for decades to come, or the cops will bury you in a shallow grave somewhere in Mississippi and act like you were kidnapped, no in between, good luck soilder
It would appear i upset some of you with my totally serious comment, have you considered buying a gun and coming after me? That’s your right when in murica
USA is really quite safe, just remember to not be black or a woman
Oh and wear a ballistics vest if you’re going anywhere near a school
Also not arabic or queer. Also dont cross streets without a green light or you might get vaporized by an orbital drone for the royal offense of “jaywalking”
I think Italian and Irish are now acceptable. Maybe choose one of those.
And don’t try to stand in some place idly outside for more than a minute. They call that “loitering” and it’s the barbaric act of experiencing being alive in public without spending a dime.
When does the freedom kick in?
When you swipe your credit card and leave a generous tip, of course!
You’re free to choose between 25, 30 and 35%.
As a free American, you have the right to have your teeth kicked in by cops.
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Don’t try to bring food. I’ve seen people stopped for smuggling meat. You’re probably okay with packaged sweets or chocolate, but you should declare it.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you can get tea if you see it offered. It may be some strange flavour, or very weak, or iced, or all three. And it will be hard to explain that you want milk and sugar with it.
Biscuits are good enough, but chocolate is rough.
And, of course, a “biscuit” will mean a type of savory scone.
If your shop, at most stores they will pack shopping bags for you and are a little shocked and overly grateful if you do it yourself.
Be prepared to tip in many circumstances (but not, oddly enough, for having your groceries packed).
Be prepared to be asked about football, the Beatles, the Queen, maybe even the King.
Don’t be offended is someone attempts to do a British accent at you, it’s meant as a friendly greeting.
If driving:
Four-way stops are like roundabouts without the roundabout. But with stop signs.
Pedestrians are not expected to look out for traffic, but are not allowed to just cross anywhere. So it balances out.
Someone has stolen the clutch pedals from all the cars.
The last one got me. A friend of mine from the US asked if my partner could drive a manual. I was confused at first, “can’t everyone?”
On the reality show The Amazing Race, it’s never the rock climbing or skiing or skydiving that holds back the teams. It’s driving the manual rental car from the airport.
I drive manual in the UK but have never tried a left-hand-drive manual car, I’d probably keep hitting the door with my left hand.
I did that all the time driving a manual in Japan and England the other way around. 🤣
Quick note on this one
Pedestrians are not expected to look out for traffic, but are not allowed to just cross anywhere. So it balances out.
If you end up driving, pedestrians are not allowed to cross anywhere (although some places like New York have legalized crossing anywhere) but pedestrians always have the right of way. You can’t run people over because they crossed outside a crosswalk.
So if on foot, use crosswalks or you could get a ticket for jaywalking. If in a vehicle, don’t hit pedestrians.
So if you cross the street, you’ll be run over, then both you and the driver get a fine.
USA USA USA
You can’t run people over because they crossed outside a crosswalk.
Unless they are black and poor and you drive a big truck in a southern city at night. Then, it’s just another unfortunate accident.
You can’t run people over because they crossed outside a crosswalk.
But you can shoot them, right?
If you shoot them to keep them from entering the street, it’s self defense.
The pedestrian tried to attack your property by covering your car in their blood.Only if you do it politely and with covered chest
Four-way stops are like roundabouts without the roundabout. But with stop signs.
The priority is different to a roundabout. A four way stop is ‘person who arrived at their stop line first goes first’. If two arrive at the same time the person on the right has priority.
In my experience if 2 cars arrive at a 4 way then it’s just pure panic until someone decides to go. Drives me up a wall.
The way I see it, hesitation is defeat. So take the initiative.
True. But I’d sum it up as “A roundabout is a group of T-junctions. A 4-way stop is a nightmarish hellscape that relies on people paying attention and being reasonable.” A 4-way stop near a school at drop-off time is basically Mad Max. Kids crossing at each corner holding up the vehicle that should be next, people splitting into two lanes so that they can turn right out-of-turn, buses obscuring the view, people who decided that “surely it’s my turn now”…
Much more likely to get run over in a crosswalk in the us than in Europe. American drivers don’t stop. The amount of overengineered zebra crossings in the US are crazy.
I’d rather shite in my own hands and clap than click a YouTube thumbnail like that
lmao
Part of the problem is that if you get a green light, so can go ahead or turn right, the road to your right has a “walk” sign on at the same time. So pedestrians can start crossing. In the UK a walk-sign equivalent means that “the traffic has stopped so that you can cross”.
So glad I’m not driving
Well, I hope this thread has also put you off being a pedestrian.
Can’t tell if you realize this is a shitpost
I noticed! That’s why my reply became a semi-crazed random stream of consciousness.
Be sure to tell them their life would’ve been much better today if they remained a colony
