For example, I once saw a man throw his hat down in anger. He didn’t stomp on it which was kind of a let down.
In the early 2010s, Cape Girardeau, MO was chosen as a location for some of the filming of Gone Girl. I lived there and it was the talk of the town. People were running into Ben Affleck at the local Andy’s and shit.
Meanwhile they put out a casting call for extras. I didn’t care about it but of course my girlfriend and her cousin went psycho about it and signed us up. We waited in line with at least a thousand other people only to finally get up there, and all they did was take a headshot and send us on our way. The girls were all disappointed that there wasn’t anything else to it while I the introvert just laughed about it.
Until I was the one they called back. Not only that, but it turns out they picked me to be a stand-in for Boyd Holbrook. I spent a week hanging out on David Fincher’s set, occasionally doing work while trying to avoid getting in trouble for doing things like accidentally sitting in Rosamund Pike’s chair. Then one of the assistant directors’ mother died and he had to leave, so they “promoted” me to production assistant. At one point I was sent to look for and found David Fincher’s missing iPhone.
Fucking surreal man. But I’ve got the 20th Century Fox W-2s to prove it.
Is Fincher a kind person? He’s certainly talented. Thanks for sharing this story.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to have a conversation with him. But he did seem nice.
Walking home from the bus stop, this much younger little kindergarten girl who I could tell had a crush on me, turned to me and said, “you drive me cookoo bananas!” then hastily turned into the street without looking where she was immediately hit by an oncoming car (which slammed on their brakes at the point of impact) and launched literally like 5 meters.
I can still see her flying through the air in slow motion in my memory.
The neighborhood Mom who hit her was inconsolable.
Best part of the story (and the only reason I would relay such a tragic event in this thread): she was somehow almost unscathed and was at school the next week no worse for the wear by all accounts.
She more than earned the nickname, “Fender Bender” given to her by the mean kids.
Glad she was okay, damn. That story made me remember Stacy from Wayne’s World
Commuting home via train. It derailed. I didn’t really notice it because I had my headphones on and read a book. It was a slightly bumpy ride, but that sort of stuff happens, right? I only realised something was off when people started smashing in the windees and breaking open the doors, climbing off and running away.
I packed my stuff, hopped outside and looked at the train. Sure enough, it was fully off the tracks.
I’ve never been in that small town before and had no idea how to get home. So, I did the only reasonable thing I could think of: Finding the nearest local pub, drinking a pint of beer, having a smoke and figure things out from there.
Met a sweet couple about my age over there who were on the same train and lived in that area. We had a lovely chat, a few more pints and then they dropped me off at the bus stop from where I could get back home. We became close friends.
The camera shows the wheel break from the track, throwing the hero and the henchman to either side of the room. It cuts to the carriage in chaos, with people panicked at the motion. Then it cuts to you to break the tension.
Checks out.
I do tend to have a calming effect on people. Mostly because I can’t be bothered by anything beyond my control, so I just think “Eh, fuck it” and proceed as normal.
Why were people smashing windows? Is it dangerous to be on a train that’s derailed?
They just panicked and lost their cool. It’s way more dangerous what they did instead of waiting inside until emergency services arrive. By the time I hopped off, the entire area was swarming with paramedics , fire brigade and the guards. I was the last person on that train
Are you Simon Pegg?
Why, what’s the reference I’m missing? _
Ah, lol, did you refer to the Winchester? I guess many people in Ireland act that way, too. That’s where it happened. A healthy “oh well…” attitude.
The Winchester, yeah. I wouldn’t have thought of it if it weren’t a meme that you partially quoted!
edit: Clarification.
Fair. It wasn’t intentional on my end, it’s just a not uncommon attitude in GB and IE, I suppose. ^^
Had a shotgun put to my head and marched into a house of gang members because I dared to try to pick my sister up from a party. Got yelled at and threatened, and left without her.
Came back a little while later to try once more and found ems/police/fire all over the place. That same person with the same shotgun blew someone elses head off after I left.
I had a friend with me, we elected not to stop the second time. A day later the police questioned us, we were subpoenaed to testify, and both got threatened by gang members for years.
Good times.
…and what about your sister (he asked, trepidatiously)?
She was fine. She left after the shooting and got a ride home. We don’t talk anymore. She accused me of raping her when we were kids while she was in a troubled teen facility (I got to fly to Utah and talk to a room full of shrinks as a teenager!) got my whole family believing and accusing me… Until 10 years later when she did the same to our dad.
I feel for her, she’s had it rough but I’ve almost died, been ostracized and demonized by my entire family and the emotional shit that came with it as a teen. But she can get fucked.
She later (several years) went on to get arrested and convicted of selling coke, as well as conspiracy to sell. Got out, invited the police in while she had meth out on the table after calling them about methallucinations.
Well, this wasn’t a fun story at all.
Hard agree, and what’s worse is that I didn’t then, and even now 30+ years later don’t see it as a traumatic. I know it is logically but I don’t feel it.
Things leading up to it were that much worse, and the later years didn’t start to get better until recently.
Sorry, friend. I’m glad things have gotten better.
It sounds like you lived through some rough situations; it is a tough climb out but I am glad to hear things have gotten better for you. Keep climbing, friend!
She got eaten by a grue.
I could only hope!
Damn. This is almost the plot of Primer.
Whoa, you are right!
Not a movie, but there was a period of time when my parents’ house had them living upstairs, my older brother, his wife, and their young son living in the converted basement, and me temporarily staying in a guest bedroom after I had just gotten out of the Army. And we all worked at the family pizza restaurant together.
It was the perfect TGIF sitcom scenario.
Also, true story, shortly after I moved out one of my younger brother’s friends moved into the guest room because of drama at home and our family gave him enough structure to straighten up and complete high school. It is exactly what would happen after my character got written out of the sitcom in season 4 and a beloved guest character got promoted to the regular cast…
At least he didn’t have to play your character while everyone acts like nothing is different.
Was there a laugh track? :)
Ha, barely. The situation was closer to Roseanne than Full House, but I enjoyed it.
I was walking through the city, watched as a man in a suit in front of me (I was walking behind him for a couple of blocks) picked up a briefcase beside a newsstand and got in the passenger seat of a waiting black car which drove off.
I’m in a spy movie, I guess.
In the 1960s the CIA used to leave instructions for their agents inside the buttholes of dead pidgeons.
Their logic was that ANYONE could pick up a random briefcase, but who’s going to pick up a dead bird.
They stopped doing it when some guy picked up the dead bird. The CIA thought a russian spy figured things out. Nope. Turns out they followed the guy, and did survielance on him for roughly an hour, as they gathered intel on how dangerous this guy was. They found no criminal background. So they stormed the house with armed guards. They found the dead pidgeons butthole covered in semen. The guy had no clue he just picked up government secrets.
You MF. You were telling the truth about the pigeon sex story. And you didn’t even tell me!
I mean…I directly said this was the case.
There’s also a post in my recent history where I asked if anyone wanted to put my hot dog in their mouth, and posted a picture of my gooey covered weiner. It got many downvotes.
Why do I even internet?
Pocket dog?
Well I should HOPE nobody puts it in their pocket! Then it would get all linty, and you couldn’t enjoy the meaty salty flavor in your mouth, as it squirts it’s gooey topping down your throat.
Goodness! I hope he didn’t get a papercut from those instructions.
Had an emotionally painful, self-esteem crushing experience at the hands of a high school girl that left me bitter and angry. Reconnected with her 15 years later and set about trying to hurt her the way I hurt. Wound up falling in love and getting married.
That’s some Hollywood bullshit right there but we’ve been married going on 15 years.
Damn bro, all part of her plan, she’s going to let you down even harder this time! Jk
Already anticipating that deathbed “syke!” after decades of marital bliss.
Yeah but jokes on her. Because you’ve got evidence that she’s been sleeping with her husband the whole time!
That could just be part of the long game you’re playing! ;^)
My ex wife was going to quit her job. She had the papers printed in her purse, the conversation ongoing in her head. She is the right-hand of the boss, keeping the company afloat and they have a friendly relationship, like knowing each others family around Christmas dinner ect.
Her boss asked her out at lunch to talk outside of the office in a nicer environment. She took the opportunity to give her resignation at the same time but first she had to listen to what her boss wanted to say.
He told her that he’s been very lately diagnosed with throat cancer, too late to do anything about it. Doctors gave him 6 month to live. He then started to cry.
Her resignation papers stayed in her purse that day…
Once i had a bike accident. The car was parked and the driver opened the door milliseconds before i drove by.
The bike smashed into his door and i went flying onto the other lane, where luckily no cars were driving at the time.
The movie like thing was that i landed rolling a few times and ended up on my feet without any injury or whatsoever. The bike was trashed, as was the car’s door. The driver was also pretty shocked about what happened. I was just wondering why nothing happened to me.
Ok, i was young ( 26 ) and I’m sure my body wouldn’t be so lucky nowadays.
You might be a ninja!
I had a similar experience (at a similar age but only one flip) and instead of a door, I stopped short to avoid an unexpected car and did an involuntary front flip over the handlebars of a mountain bike with the handlebars still in my hands. After I landed on my feet, the bike swung over my head (through the force of its inertia, I’m guessing) and landed on the back tire in front of me in a full wheelie position while I stood behind it. The driver just looked at me with her mouth wide open in shock. We had a laugh and continued about our days unharmed but shoook. I can’t even believe I did that. I certainly wouldn’t be able to do that if I tried.
Yeah, I’m sure that, without training, trying to do something like that on purpose, is bound to have you fail spectacularly.
In my case, i would probably jump too soon, before the door opens.
Drives me crazy how so many people don’t check for traffic, pedestrians, whatever before opening their door. Glad you weren’t hurt!
Nowadays with mobile phones it’s even worse. I see people walking around with their undivided attention on what they are doing on the phone. Other people usually walk around them.
Other people usually walk around them.
I don’t, I am the mean asshole they have to walk around. I see them imposing costs on me and I don’t accept.
On the lunch long time ago, I was complaining to my colleagues about surprisingly expensive pizza: “20 euros for the pizza! In some countries you would get a blowjob for that kind of money!” Few minutes later, another colleague joined us and I immediately told him: “This is 20 euro pizza!”. He answered: “What?? Did you get a blow job with it?” One female colleague noted: “I see you both visit similar kind of … restaurants”.
That sounds straight out of Seinfeld, I read “Did you get a blowjob with it?” with Kramer’s voice hahahaha
Standing in a convenience store when a car comes crashing through the front, and broken glass flies all around all the customers including me. None of us got hurt, but it was scary AF. Car was being driven by an elderly person who confused the brake pedal with the gas pedal.
I had something similar happen to me. The steering knuckle on my first car broke and took out the brakes in the process. I hit the brakes and emergency brake as hard as I could but my vehicle turned sharply to the left and drove into a pool store.
However, there was a car between me and The pool store, so I hit the car and the car went into the pool store.
That was some scary fucking shit, fortunately no one was hurt and the damages were fairly minor.
You were just playing billiards but with cars.
Oh, you meant the other kind of pool…
I was at Goodwill one time and I swear to you I heard a conversation almost exactly like this at the jewelry counter.
employee: hello how’s it going today?
customer: pretty damn terrible
employee: oh, uh… well I hope it starts getting better soon
customer: it never does
Sounds like somebody had a case of the Mondays.
Sounds like a typical interaction in New Jersey.
Was that customer perhaps a melancholy robot with a brain the size of a planet?
I had sex once.
Nice.
Nice.
Niiiiiiccee
With someone else?
Oh shit, is that a requirement?
Once
I’ve seen that movie!
I had sex once.
Doesn’t count here, because the sex in the movies isn’t real.
That’s cool, she wasn’t real either.
I saw a lady slip on a banana peel irl outside of the Disney store in Dublin, Ireland. I didn’t even know it was possible. I felt really bad bc I couldn’t go help her up because I was laughing so hard and had to go into the Disney store so it wouldn’t look like I was laughing at her. I was just more shocked that it actually happened.
Once I worked a double with a coworker I had a small crush on. Towards the end of the shift, my sister called me. She was staying in a rural area on the other side of the state. She had started to drive home, and something had popped her tire. She had no spare, and no where was open… and she had an international flight in the morning. I told her, yup yup, I’ll go get her.
As soon as I got off my call, my co worker insisted that she go with me. “You’re going to need a co pilot.” After some back and forth, somehow we ended up taking her car even. That was at 8pm. It was really nice at first. I learned a lot about her. She told me about her fiance, and her upbringing in the south. We got to our destination at midnight, and both of us were bushed. We asked my sister if she could take the wheel for the way home. We both fell asleep.
My sister hit a deer at around 2am. We were still about 90 min from my car. Who do you call at 2am to drive that far to turn around and drive all the way back? I started making calls. We were dropped off at this truck stop; I am trying to be strong for these ladies; one of whom just had her car totaled and one of whom is my literal baby sister. One of my friends made the drive; and Ive got stories about her (which also might just be movie esqe). In any case, I took my co worker home, and then handed my keys to my sister gingerly, because she had some stuff to do at her house before my dad took her to the air port. She made her flight with 20 minutes to spare, at 830 am. My car was the first one she left in working order that night.
I spent the next month helping my coworker get around while my sister was abroad. Didn’t get the girl, but that’s the story of my life. This had stakes, and acts, and a second act turn!
