Title says it all
A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”
Okay, now that’s good.
This joke is all class. Well done
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s blue and sticky?
The same stick when it holds its breath.
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
Awesome
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
Mike Tyson? That you?
I called the wrong number today. I said ‘Hello, is Joey there?’
A woman answered and she said ‘Yes he is.’
And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’
She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.’
I said 'Alright, I’ll wait
I’m sorry for spamming Steven Wright jokes. I’ll stop now
I used to like Steven Wright.
I still do, but I used to, too.
That you, Mitch?
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
Now the Dutch version:
Wat is groot, grijs en leeft in het riool?
- een rioolifant
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
That was a far better formulate of what I tried to say haha :)
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Did you know you have a steering belt attached to your crotch?” The pirate answers: “Yarr, it be driving me nuts!”
The version I heard had a parrot on the steering wheel. Makes more sense with the pirate context hahaha
I dipped my balls in glitter.
Pretty nuts, right?
I broke a mirror in my house, and you’re supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
What do you call ten thousand lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A good start.
what’s red and smells like blue paint?
red paint.
Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.
“Those are cougar tracks!” Bob exclaimed.
“Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks.” Brain said.
“I’m tellin’ you, I’ve been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!”
“There’s no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!”
Then they both got hit by a train.
