You must log in or register to comment.
“I don’t think he’s heard of Nuclear Winter, Pip.”
We’ve had one nuclear winter, yes, but what about the second nuclear winter?
Patrolling the Harad almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
Well what about the second peacekeeper? I think he doesn’t know about the second peacekeeper.
What about Trident? Minuteman?? Little Boy!?
[Aragorn-launched Davy Crockett hits Pippin in the face]
I like the idea that it’s the first thing that happens in chapter 1. Pippin uses the nuke before having been given any narrative reason to want to use it. Because he’s just that kind of chaotic energy.
Just in time before elevenses.
Get the big one, Pip!
“We’ve had one yes, but what about second strike?”
Chapter 2: Mordor launched automatic retaliatory nukes at the rest of middle earth, all life in middle earth goes extinct.
Except dwarves, they have good bunkers.
Yeah but what about the Balrog? They’d have that to contend with.
And maybe… in fact I’d bet that creatures like Smaug could survive a nuclear blast even relatively nearby and probably even radioactive fallout, and just in case, they’d also know where every single cave in Middle Earth is, could quickly find cover before being exposed too much.
It’s more like “Pippin accidentally nukes Rivendell.”
But somehow it turns out okay, like there was a huge invading army conquering it anyway and the elves have already evacuated.
If you played the two towers LOTR game you would know that Legolas’ bow is way better than any sniper rifle
Even in the books he downed a distant nazgul solo.
The only reason we get 3 books out of LOTR is because Legolas (and Gandalf) will it so. They could end the story at any moment but choose not to so others can have some fun
Excuse me, I played the Two Towers LOTR game and I learned that B+A+R was how Aragorn paused time whenever an orc attacked him to insta-kill it.
As someone who mained Aragorn because my brother was playing only legolas (poor gimli), while we were pressing 3 buttons to kill a single guy, legolas was pressing a single button to shoot 2 arrows that PIERCED EVEN SHIELDS, killing at the very least 2 orcs before we can even see them and sometimes even more cause they pierced through them. Im not bitter at all, its perfectly normal to remember this 20 years later.
Aragorn with Browning Automatic Rifle sounds about right. It was what Tolkien envisioned.
Pippen couldn’t even handle a dragon firework. If he had access to a nuke he’d have leveled the Shire immediately.
Cast your eye on this you glorified lighthouse.
Dark Lord receives a few cans of sunlight
The NCD crossover I didn’t know I needed
Chapter One
Pippin commits a preemptive strike against a low grade threat. Thus becoming war criminal; the international community turns against The Shire as the dangerous loose cannons they have shown themselves to be.
The fact they are nuclear armed leads to years of protracted negotiations; extremely harsh sanctions and the economic ruin of The Shire.
The remains of Mordor; rise up and become far more important on the international stage. As the injured party they telegraph this into a much louder voice than they should command. They oppose the Elves but have similar goals, the control and subjugation of the humans.
That’s very antisemitic.
Lord of the Rings but Gondor has the United States military-industrial complex
Well they definitely don’t have universal healthcare then. Recovering from an orc battle must be egregiously expensive.
But what about the poor orcs and their women and children who don’t want to fight for Sauron but are forced to do so?
/s
Silly raptor, everyone knows there aren’t women in Lord of the rings.
How about sending some Terminators back in time to kill Sauron before he gains power?
Problem is that Sauron looked dope as fuck, and terminators love looking badass, and so they’d immediately take his side. Number one rule of being a terminator is to always look cool.
That’s some Galaxy Brain Tolkien shit right there, man.
