I’m doing quite well. About a month ago I broke up with my ex, but since then I’ve done the following:

1. Signed up for a performance dance class (I was already dancing, mostly to get more social)
2. Made a connection there, so now the son of a woman I dance with is helping me fix bikes to give away
3. Hosted two groups of guests riding their bicycles past my home (strangers, who I’ve enjoyed talking with)
4. Put in more hours with the bike rescue, building some stronger bonds with people there
5. Found out that one newish friend is planning on moving away. Boo hoo
6. Completed a lot of DIY work for a kitchen remodel

So I am single, and likely to remain that way for a while. But I feel quite fulfilled, and I feel like I’m in a position to develop more, stronger friendships, platonic or otherwise. It has been an effort to get to this point, and the journey is far from over, but I’m happy to see progress.

I had one interesting experience when it came to explicit consent. I walked to the date, she drove. No alcohol was consumed by any parties.

She offered to give me a ride home, which I politely declined, and then accepted when she pushed. I asked her if she wanted to come inside, and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to come upstairs, and she said yes. We went up to my bedroom, did the deed, I asked her if she wanted to take a shower together and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to go for round 2 and she said no. She left, shortly thereafter, and I was pretty confused when she told me she had felt pressured into sex and didn’t want to see me again, when I thought I had intentionally given her lots of opportunities to say yes or no.

I still don’t think I need to get a legally binding document agreeing to engagement in sexual intercourse, but that experience really demonstrated to me that an extra awkward question or two is better than the alternative.