I’m not sure how to go about handling the situation, seems like you’ve thought about all the ways you ‘stuffed up’. But in my experience with rumination - a lot my triggers come from black and white thinking.
When I ruminate, a lot of what pops in my head are the times I stuffed up. Like times when I was humiliated, or times when I had missed amazing opportunities. And I beat myself up because the solution was seemingly, oh so simple.
Rumination isn’t a bad thing, it can be a visceral motivator, but for me the trouble was the deep well of horrible emotions that would arise after spiralling.
If you spiral for to long, your brain will only accept black and white solutions, since your brain is in panic mode and looking for an easy out. But, the tough thing you need to train your brain to do (Trust me it is difficuilt) is to instead catch yourself going down a thought spiral (the earlier the better) and try and think something less black and white.
E.g.
You tried to message her, and plus she may not have the genuine connection you were hoping for. There will be a next time, times where it’s appropriate: to experiment socially.
You tried to message her afterwards - that’s a pretty big win in my opinion.
I have the help of CBT and antidepressants, so keep that in mind. And plus this advice may not be for you, I just hope you pull through and see it as a positive learning experience.
Hey dude, all good dude.
I’m not sure how to go about handling the situation, seems like you’ve thought about all the ways you ‘stuffed up’. But in my experience with rumination - a lot my triggers come from black and white thinking.
When I ruminate, a lot of what pops in my head are the times I stuffed up. Like times when I was humiliated, or times when I had missed amazing opportunities. And I beat myself up because the solution was seemingly, oh so simple.
Rumination isn’t a bad thing, it can be a visceral motivator, but for me the trouble was the deep well of horrible emotions that would arise after spiralling.
If you spiral for to long, your brain will only accept black and white solutions, since your brain is in panic mode and looking for an easy out. But, the tough thing you need to train your brain to do (Trust me it is difficuilt) is to instead catch yourself going down a thought spiral (the earlier the better) and try and think something less black and white.
E.g. You tried to message her, and plus she may not have the genuine connection you were hoping for. There will be a next time, times where it’s appropriate: to experiment socially.
You tried to message her afterwards - that’s a pretty big win in my opinion.
I have the help of CBT and antidepressants, so keep that in mind. And plus this advice may not be for you, I just hope you pull through and see it as a positive learning experience.
Stay rad