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1 year ago“Sure, sport”. “You’re welcome, tiger.” “No problem, little buddy.”
I keep hoping someone will keep up the stupid pet names with me so I can just make the responses more and more absurd every time, but they generally stop after the first one. I have sooooo many ideas in the tank and I’m just waiting for the excuse to call someone porkchop or pickleface.
I had one couple who used my address for everything. They ordered a laptop with my email. ITunes, Netflix, disney+. They’d signed up for USPS’s informed delivery with my account. I could have stolen so much shit from them over the years. But I always tried to correct the issue.
It finally stopped when they used my email for their wedding registry. Instead of trying once again to do the right thing, I logged into the registry, removed all of their tasteful items, added a faux tigerskin rug (the kind with the whole head at one end), a bunch of this jewel-tone stuffed curvy furniture that would be perfect for a 70s fuckroom, clown-themed carnival games, a popcorn cart, and a shitload of baby items.