Yeah, it’s easier if you lick your hand first. You’ll get used to the taste after a while

Damn, she showed up with that 12x18!

Chloroform

Okay, we can all go home now, we found the winner

I was helping my mom shop for a new car, and we discovered she needed the requirement of “physical AC controls”.

Everything is all on the touch screen.

LASERJET COPIERS ARE SUPERIOR!

I’ve been using SwiftKey since like, 2012?

I just like the custom keyboards, and it learns my mistakes when I swipe. I always carry 2 phones, so I was able to sync the 2nd phone so my swipes are already learned on that phone.

Also, there’s a snow keyboard that collect snow at the bottom of the screen as you swipe.

No, they aren’t.

All of my coworkers are super trump supporters, they even bought the flag from the assassination attempt. Yesterday, one of them told me to go “fuck my couch” and I said “there’s enough couch fuckers around” which confused him.

I awkwardly explained the JD Vance couch thing (I know it was just a troll, it didn’t actually happen) and he BLEW UP. He was explaining that he looks up to and respects JD and I shouldn’t believe what I’m seeing on the internet.

When my oldest was about 1, I buckled him in, but didn’t realize the carseat wasn’t buckled in.

About a mile down the road, I turned and we went tumbling across the car in his car seat. It was completely upside down by the end.

The only thing that kept me calm was that he was cackling with laughter. He thought it was the funniest thing. Never made thay mistake again!

I haven’t been on Reddit since the day they killed the apps.

Life has been more peaceful in some ways, and I’m not as stressed out. I stopped watching the news too, which had a similar effect.

The spices at the grocery store I’ve been going to for the past 25 years has had the spices alphabetized this entire time.

Edit, I misread the question but I’m not fixing my response

One of my coworkers carries a flipper zero around and opens up every single Tesla gas door we see. He hasn’t tried it on the cybertruck yet, the ones I see are usually on the move.

I know you’re a stranger, but I get the keys to the apartment in about an hour!!!

I want to tell everyone, but I have nobody to tell. I’m FINALLY going to have a home to go home to.

Secondhand lions, the pursuit of happiness, and the good neighbor (2016)

I’m doing it!

The crysis center already has an apartment for me. They’re going to pay first months rent and deposit, I can even have my cats with me!

Since I left my wife, I’ve been saving sooooo much money. I know how to cook on a budget, the kids aren’t picky, and I’m not wasting my money on door dash!

It’s gonna be a tough journey, but I can do this!

No, in Idiocracy, the president ended up listening to the smart guy.

I think I’m on my way to happiness.

I finally left my abusive wife this week. It was really scary, and she keeps sending me threats (to take me for child support and ruin my life) but I was able to get ahold if a crisis center for abused people, thankfully they have support for men. The crisis center is going to help me tackle all the debt she’s put me in and get me into an apartment that will have room for me and my kids!

Yesterday for the first time in 14 years, I was completely free. I just drove around town. I went and got an ice cream cone, and I got a Mexican Pizza from taco bell, and nobody insulted me, put me down, or made me feel worthless. I got a glimpse of me and I really miss that guy. I used to have the nick name smiley because I always walked around with a shit eating grin on my face because I love life and I love my job, but she’s worn away at me lately.

I might be homeless technically, but I have a safe space until I can get on my feet. I get my kids tonight, we’re going to have a pizza party and play Mario Kart together. I think everything is going to be fine soon…

What if you just went on foot with 5 gallon containers, didn’t do it frequently, and never went to the same gas station a second time?

Buy 10 spatulas and get one FREE!!