I agree with all of this, the entire thing is inconsistent from the costuming for everybody to the accents to the slowmo to the character “development” to the sound effects for the lasers from guns to the world building with scifi and magic but also regular real world snow elk to the literal star wars shuttle crawl opening to blade runner but in the desert to the showing “good” characters because they’re against sexual assault who then never show up again to characters who get backstory in the last 35 minutes of the movie after having been with them for 2 hours, to characters motivations directly contracting themselves. So many scenes of faces just looking, no words, no help, just watching…

The slowmo is so awful, from scenes that are inconsistent through themselves - full speed, 60%, 30%, back to 60%, move to the next scene *still at 60%. Later? Eh, these four action scenes just set a 70% slow. They are so exhausting it genuinely feels like a chore to sit through. Oh, but the final fight has no slowmo from what I can remember, so there is one scene at least that doesn’t have it. The first half of the spider fight was okay outside of the racist music. Mostly everything else is literally just slowmo movement/shooting and closeup faces.

The movie is atrocious. I went into it with an open mind. I liked the self-indulgence for ZS:JL because it’s DC and it was a vision brought back from tragedy.

This?? He couldn’t get it right the first time that is on him. This is likely the most unoriginal, most predictable thing I have ever seen and the fact that there is a four hour version for part one is sad. I have never felt such disdain watching something. And honestly, that 4 hour cut could simply be Jimmy getting 45 minutes frolicking in a field getting his horns, an extended griffon flight sequence and 4 more added fight scenes with 2 dialogue scenes. Boom, 4 hours. I wish I even felt like this was being facetious.

I wanted to write a “the good” and “the bad” but… Genuinely, just watch James Gunns Suicide Squad instead. You’ll feel more emotion, get a deeper sense of the characters with actual fucking pacing, there’s actual set ups and payoffs that are meaningful instead of just… “Everything” and best of all you won’t have to sit through Rebel Moon. Oh, and if you want a sense of good use of slowmo, watch some of the Rocky movies, or Creed. As a slowmo comparison only, although thematically these movies are so much more impactful.

On the other hand, don’t wait. Watch it now and just see exactly how terrible it is. Maybe get really stoned or really drunk, watch it with someone who is familiar with Star Wars and its homages and prepare yourself for the rejected Star Wars story ZS presented to GL.

I’m not a hater, I’m not somebody who writes scathing reviews about movies because of stupid reasons, I generally like most movies even if they are bad. I generally like most things even if they’re mediocre and predictable, if it’s something done well it’s got merit.

I cannot recommend this movie. After seeing it, I can’t even see why anyone would want to see what 2 more hours even holds. At least 40% - being very generous - at least 40% of it would just be slowmo. It seems to contribute absolutely nothing of value and has absolutely no point to any of the decisions being anything. The entire thing is pointless drivel and I can’t believe I ever thought it might be worth watching. I haven’t called out so many sequence of events in a row since The Eternals (which I liked) but none of them were even meaningful or interesting. It was stupid shit like “oh she has a rope and fell, time to get it around and knock him down”. All of the background fire lasers are individual streaks, there’s no differentiation of weapons but there’s apparently multiple different weapon pulse fire noises. Sounds of 3 and 5, but nope, all just individual bolts.

And oh my gosh, the stupid fucking. The amount of talk about sex, that test where women talking about a romance and it failing? 15 minutes in, not even kidding. The main character apparently sleeps around, so does everybody the whole farm town is just an orgy. There is more talk about sex than plot in this movie.

The plot by the way is runaway on a farm imperials appear and create an army after surviving an ambush and the heroes ride off into the sunset. And everything is A-OK.

There’s no underlying theme. There’s no attempt at trying to make claims about philosophy. There’s no stitching of unique elements to create a fantasy world. It just babbles fake history at you and character repeat the fake history and we just get to accept that there’s random fantasy creatures in scifi space settings while we get philosophy babbled at us - it’s not positing ideas of making conversation with the audience, it’s just “my robot sentience is from magic and I feel bad”.

So yeah. I’m conflicted. On one hand, I don’t think anyone should subject themselves to this. On the other hand, I think everyone needs to see this so that ZS never gets another job, or at least severely reduced creative input.

Anyway. If you do watch it, I highly recommend Suicide Squad right after. Because for every deep chasm that you will find from Rebel Moon, this movie actually delivers something impactful. There is meaningful development. The conflict feels real and organic, not contrived. Even these ridiculous fantasy her- er, villains are more likable, relatable, and give you actual edge when they make a decision with actual consequences.

All of Rocky including Creed is also a good contrast. I don’t even watch boxing.