I’m a middle aged heterosexual man and I’ve been in various circles in my life where I’ve had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I’ve appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I’ve floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can’t get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz… But then I realized that this is not why.

It’s because they don’t act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I’m 100% a person. If I’m entertaining or funny or interesting, it’s because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it’s popped up, it’s something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it’s a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I’m always a man. It’s inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It’s like what I’d imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn’t know because I’m a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

  • liara@lemm.eeEnglish
    2·
    11 months ago

    I don’t actually know the answer, but I couldn’t resist digging at least just a little bit. My gut tells me that it’s probably related to rad fem in some way, like with gold star lesbians etc and that somehow trans people are involved.

    The only thing I could really find was the term “bi lesbian” which is just a way to invalidate the identity of multiple groups of people at once.

    I think maybe some people might be uncomfortable identifying as a label of lesbian, and there are other ways to express this, like wlw. Also for some, lesbian still carries a stigma or implies a connection to porn. Maybe that just means we should work on reclaiming it though, instead of shunning the label