So this dude is basically a 46 year old man child and I don’t wanna armchair diagnose people, but he’s probably on the spectrum.
He’ll say a pun or a “funny” phrase, stare at you till you acknowledge it, then when you do, he’ll just keep saying it over and over. Even if you don’t acknowledge it he’ll say it a bunch then switch to a new one.
He’s obsessed with making fart noises then pretending it’s someone else he’ll even do it while we’re eating lunch. I’ve tried the politely asking him to stop he just says “oh you know I’m just joking” then when I tell him its genuinely annoying he goes full kicked puppy and acts super sad for a few hours and gets all woe is me saying stuff like “oh well I guess everyone hates me I’ll just shut up forever”. Sometimes he even goes full non verbal and literally just tries to communicate by pointing and or writing notes.
It’s not like he’s an asshole he a genuinely good guy he’s good at his job and he’s got your back when you need it.
I guess I just have a hard time finding the balance between not being an ass to a guy with zero social skills and losing my sanity because he can’t be quiet for 5 minutes.
I mean, yeah, people have but and he’ll stop talking to them specifically and start mentioning how he doesn’t like them whenever they come around or come up in conversation. But he never looks inward and wonders if he is annoying because there’s enough people that tolerate him.
It’s like a loop you be nice and ignore him he thinks he’s cool.
You be mean and tell him he’s annoying he paints you as the asshole.
You be nice and tell him he’s annoying he throws a pity party and makes you feel guilty for saying anything.
Are others complaining to you about his behavior? Because you’re his boss, I wonder if this could function like any other improvement conversation.
What if, instead of calling him “annoying,” you pulled him aside separately at another time and phrased the convo as wanting him to focus on “professionalism” and/or “work appropriate behavior”? If you are clear about what that means and bring examples to the table, that might help.
You could cover his passive aggressive responses in the conversation as well–pointing and writing notes and pity-partying are not appropriate ways to communicate in your workplace.
Yeah I’ll probably go that route. I’ve never called him annoying.
the worst I’ve done is tell him he’s not helping when he made me lose my count on something.
I was counting a part when he came to talk to me about something completely unrelated. I didn’t respond, and when he asked what’s wrong I told him I’m just trying to keep my count. He then he continues to talk about his thing and I lose my count. So I do an exasperated sigh tell him I just lost my count can he come back later. He then started counting the wrong parts out loud so I stop him and say that’s not helping. Then he puts on his kicked puppy face said he was just trying to help and went non verbal for an hour after that.
Sorry, I don’t know how complex your team’s role is, but in our environment of oncology research this individual is not improving their behavior, is disruptive, using your niceness, and I would put them on a PIP to improve or let go. The folks on the spectrum that I’ve worked with do not react with kicked puppy face, instead they’re profoundly grateful for the social guidance and try to improve. This guy honestly sounds a little manipulative.
Don’t tell him he’s annoying. Call him out when something’s not appropriate for the workplace (like the fart jokes) but don’t make it about his personality.
Consult HR on how to go about the quirks that aren’t inappropriate but still very annoying. They can give you the language toolbox you need.