Something I’ve never been that great at is spontaneous conversation. I’m more than capable of public speaking if I’ve prepared something in advance. But if someone asks me something out of the blue, I really struggle to engage in deep conversation. Afterwards I’ll think to myself damn, why didn’t I bring up X or Y?
Half the time I don’t know what to add and I struggle to think of what to say. Sometimes words feel like they’re on the tip of my tongue and I can’t get them out, especially when I’m under pressure. And in group conversations, I find it hard to interject when I do think of a point. By the time a natural break comes along, the conversation has moved on.
I’d love to get better at this. What can I do to improve?
There is the statement followed by question form of conversation.
Person A “I just got back from Hawaii last week.”
You “I always wanted to visit Hawaii and never got the chance. What did you do?”
Person A “I went to the Pearl Harbor Museum and Memorial.”
You “I love museums. One of my favorite museums is…”
The goal is to ask questions with statements in order to find something that you both enjoy. The purpose of the statements to let the other person get to know you and ask questions about you. Once that happens, you can move to statements and rely less on questions.
Conversations are a two way street.