I just had to report something to the police that will probably end a very close friendship of mine, but it was something that was totally not okay and I had to do it. But I still feel like a piece of shit for it. Have you ever felt like this and how did you get through it?

  • mister_monster@monero.town
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    1 year ago

    Maybe you feel like a piece of shit because you didn’t do the right thing and you know it. We can’t know, because you don’t want to give details, and that’s OK. But, was this “totally not OK” thing “really fucked up”, or just “totes not cool bro”? If it’s the latter you probably got involved in something that was none of your business, if it’s the former then maybe you should contemplate why you feel like shit? If you stopped something really fucked up from continuing then you did the right thing. If this close friendship will end because of it, why does your friend have a problem with you reporting it?

    • ObiWon_KanBloMi@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      I reported her new boyfriend for installing spyware on her phone without her knowledge so he could spy on our conversations and I have heard him telling people information about me that he had obtained through the spyware. I told her I wouldn’t do it, but I talked to my therapist and they said I had to do something because she leaves her kid with him and he can continue doing this to other women in the future. She won’t press charges though.

      • MadWorks@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        You absolutely did the right thing and I understand why you feel like shit about it. It’s definitely going to be rough to get through but just make sure you also protect yourself in all of this.

      • 520@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        I mean, I really can’t disagree with what you did. I speak as someone who makes my own spyware for adversary emulation purposes.

        Abusive relationships can really fuck with judgements and warp what is acceptable. If her head is too clouded to not see the dangers then you needed to step in.

      • mister_monster@monero.town
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        1 year ago

        What a piece of shit. That guy I mean ofc.

        Why in the fuck would she keep fucking with some loser who installs spyware on her phone? Even leaving her kid with him?

      • FuglyDuck@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Okay.

        1. you did the right thing
        2. it’s not your fault.
        3. I’m going to say that again: it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.

        Okay. Read those again after this next part… she’s probably getting abused. Or is about to be. That level of controlling behavior is insane. It may not be physical yet, it may never get physical. But it’s likely she’s being emotionally abused and controlled.

        I would definitely ask your therapist for guidance here. Or at least talk to them about it.

        Despite it being awful- it’s still her choice to be in that relationship and it’s extremely unlikely anything you say is going to get her out of it; until she’s ready to leave.

        It’s up to you if you want to move on from her, or try to stay “there” for her. Both paths are difficult and hard…

        One. More time:

        None of this is your fault. At all. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

        • ObiWon_KanBloMi@lemmy.worldOP
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          1 year ago

          Yeah I deleted it in case shit hit the fan and I have too much detail, but fuck that guy now I don’t care. I’m just happy to have a place like this where I can ask advice and get peoples real experiences in situations like I’m currently in. I appreciate it.

      • sbv@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        Think what would happen if you’d stayed silent? It feels bad to talk to the cops, but bit the boyfriend was doing creepy stuff and breaking laws.

        You did the right thing. Props.

    • sbv@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted. OP didn’t provide enough info and you worked through the cases.

      • mister_monster@monero.town
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        1 year ago

        It’s because I mentioned the remote possibility that OP didn’t do the right thing and should feel bad, and you can’t do that, you have to make emotional assumptions and give advice with no information whatsoever.

          • mister_monster@monero.town
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            1 year ago

            Yeah, I’m talking about tye lurkers, they don’t usually like it when you ask the hard questions.

            My goal was to maybe help you think more clearly on your situation. Sounds like you were right from your detailed response. Good luck with it.