I’ve been dipping between contact and no contact and low contact for The last 5 years with my parents. My mom and I had a fight that made me realize that she doesn’t and never has cared about who I am and though it’s simplifying things, she’s only really cared about my economic success.

Both parents gave me a variety of complete and total emotional incompetence. I look back on everything I’ve done and I can see the stupid actions I’ve taken as direct memory of my parents and it makes me feel really bad. They were incredibly authoritarian to me and unforgiving while at the same time totally down to entertain my sisters bs.

I’m definitely happier when I don’t talk to them and much more unhappy when I do talk to them the biggest issue is that every time I remember something from my childhood it upsets me. And I remember a lot. And I don’t know how to forgive anybody and I think it’s because I’ve never processed the thousand cuts of disappointment of my childhood. So I don’t talk to them and I don’t know if that’s going to change but telling myself that it won’t change reduces my anxiety.