I am currently in a really awkward situation. My mother doesn’t like my brother but visits him once a week to take care of his child.
But I know they talk trash behind her back and she talks trash behind their back. Both I don’t want to be part of and I distance my self from both sides in that case… I have a feeling it is more of my brothers wife that is causing the drama because she is bringing weird stuff up to my wife about me but I don’t care.
Either way… I don’t want to go deep into that issue because it isn’t my issue.
My mother is living in a house and she doesn’t want my brother to get anything because I do most of the work. I drive her around, help in the yard, I help her with her mother (my grandma), I generally have a good relationship with her.
My brother is complete opposite. His wife said they would never want the house because it is in a small town and they like the city more. Now suprise, they are looking for a house but currently unaffordable and they are joking about my house in a small town next to a loud church.
Now that my mother is living in a huge house alone they sometimes say things like: “I wish we had a house for our family”: “A house would be so good”- “but not a house next to a church”… etc. so kind of like they are expecting my mother to say “Here are the keys, move in”.
I have a decent relationship with my brother and his wife, not awesome but not bad. If he wasn’t my brother I wouldn’t have anything to do with him though.
Either way I am repairing most of my mothers house, redoing a lot of stuff so my mom can live in a “nice” house with new tiles, walls,… and our wish was to live in that house one day too - basically sell the house that we currently live in that is next to the church lol.
My mother won’t talk with him and she said I will get the house and it’s already on paper (notary) too but in my country we have a forced 25% inherit. I would have to pay him 25% of the house and thats not really the issue. My problem is he isn’t doing anything for my mom and in general it is a totally weird situation because they are both speculating on moving into the house one day (kind of) or using that money from selling the house to buy a new one.
It’s like I already know they are getting 25% because of how they are treating our mom (ignoring her, not visiting with the grandson and not calling, not asking if everything is okay etc.) but I feel like I would be happy with 50/50 one day. But from my moms view ven 75/25 is horrible, she’d go full 100% on me.
Edit: I hope it is clear that I don’t have an issue with my brother but I feel the inherit of 25% that I already know he will be getting will cause conflict. I didn’t choose it and I told my mom to talk with them but she only says: “Normally you don’t have to tell your son to visit with grandson if they are only 20 minutes drive away”. I mean she isn’t wrong though but somehow this is gonna be a conflict one day. The last thing she said was: “I won’t talk with him and you are getting the house, 75% of everything I own and he is getting the forced inherit of the law and if you want to give him 50/50 to avoid conflict - I am not here I don’t care do whatever you want and give him more money or half the house”
Now just observing of what he is doing for my mother and how inherit should function I do think he doesn’t deserve anything. But I mean come on isn’t that unfair? On the other side I am sacrificing my free time repairing her house and replacing old stuff with new stuff she is buying (tiles, floor, furniture,…) and he isnt helping at all.
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I’ve seen inheritance tear apart family from the big money stuff down to the stupid little sentimental knick knacks. If there is resentment or jealousy now, it will be tenfold after your mom is gone. I don’t want to bum you out or anything, but it could eventually come down to giving your brother more than he deserves and more than your mom wants, or hurting - even ending - your relationship with him.
I would be prepared for that and if it goes better, then that’s great.
If she wanted you to have it all, why not give you the house now, legally, and then spend the next 10-20 years letting her live in a house in your name? Then when she dies, it wasn’t her house to begin with?
Check into the 25% system more. There are likely exceptions and ways to sidestep, if you act while your Mother is still alive.
In the USA transferring the home’s title is one method.
Do talk with a professional. If things get ugly you will need a professional. It is cheaper to discuss before conflicts start.
Transferring the house early cannot be overstated. You may have to pay whatever tax, but, it may reduce so many headaches
I have a decent relationship with my brother and his wife, not awesome but not bad. If he wasn’t my brother I wouldn’t have anything to do with him though.
There’s the kicker. It sounds like your brother doesn’t treat your mother very well, contributes little to the family, and has kept your mom from seeing her grandson. At some point you need to realize that this person is only in your life because he’s your sibling, and no other reason. You pick your friends and partners, you don’t pick your family.
Respect your mother’s wishes, obey the law, and to hell with the rest.
Edit: grandson not granddaughter
You do not owe him anything and neither does your mom. He is behaving like shit towards her so why would he deserve the fruits of both your labour?
I personally don’t like the entitlement many people think they have to the money of their parents or grandparents.
There is really no reason why you should give him 50% of the inheritance if you mom doesn’t even want that. And I think her wishes about her inheritance are much more important than his sense of entitlement.
If he wants to be difficult about it, thats on HIM. It’s not your job to give up anything to keep the peace. If he decides to act like an ass, limit contact. Do you really need this toxic relationship in your life?
Talk to a lawyer. But transferring the house to you with an agreement she can stay there till she dies is quite common here. And sidesteps all the inheritance stuff. But you often have to do it x years before she passes.
This is likely to get ugly and I would advise talking to your brother about it once you know what you’re doing so it’s not a big shock after she goes.
My mother was in a similar situation when my gran died, but her sister was the one who got the house. My mother thought it should have been split 50/50, but her sister did do all of the care work and was closer to her generally. They got into some sort of argument and neither has spoken to the other since. It’s been over 2 decades. I’ve asked my mother about it and only got vague answers.
We took care of my mother in law while my husband’s siblings did little. We knew that was how it would be from the beginning and we made the decision to do what we thought was right without regard to what others chose to do. We kind of forced her to split everything equally because we didn’t want the conflict. Her home was in another state so we sold it when she moved in with us and put that money into her savings. While she lived with us, we used her money for every third months utilities, every third grocery visit, every third pizza order, etc. If you’re not interested in maintaining a relationship with your brother, keep the house and sell yours to pay off his 25%. With your grandmother still living, it sounds like you have awhile and the situation may change. Get what you can in writing now to protect yourself.