I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.
I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.
These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.
As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.
I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?
I am lucky in the sense that I like specific things; and the feeling of liking them hasn’t faded. However, the phenomenon you’re likely pointing to is simply being more jaded as an adult
For me, it’s about context and scope. The wide open wonder of my youth has been replaced by little epiphanies of experience. A bite of really good food, or music, or a great joke can bring me a startling amount of joy. A lot of my awe has also been replaced by satisfaction and appreciation. Getting old sucks undeniably, but there are compensations.